i wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile.

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
i don't deal well, at all.
it's about 4 a.m. although this post probably won't state that.
i have sat here listening to every sad song on my itunes and now i have an indentation on my right hand from my jacket zipper...
what the hell?

honestly.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
words don't come out well for me at times like this. Kate Nash's song, The Nicest thing.
my feelings exactly...
except not. at all.
it's longing, like one of my favorite quotes by william shakespeare: "i have immortal longings in me"
these immortal longings keep me up till the sun rises without any of my homework done.
this fixation i get on things isn't very healthy, and it's not even about love, or lack there of, these longings i have cover a range of things in my life.

my blog is so depressing, what happened to those days when i used to talk about topics of general interest, when my blog was blatantly NOT my personal diary.
I make all my personal sentiments very public, i wonder what the public thinks of me?
here is a VERY unstable girl?

I'M NOT!!!
i'm soo happy, i love life. Everyday is an adventure and loads of fun, i see new things and meet new people everyday. i love it, it's wonderful.
work's super cool. i mean i feel cool working, even though i don't really feel like i can be myself there. for i am a tad bit too rambunctious for the admin building. it's cool. I dress smarmy, in my oversized glasses, sweater vests and my abundance of cardigans. OOO and my loafers, yum.

here's something of substance that i can discuss, I was reading about race today for my anthropology class.
i mean, before i read that race is a social construct, but this essay took that notion to a deeper level and talked about the breakup of races, and how these breakdowns are ridiculously inaccurate and are a terrible way to group people, since they leave out quite a few groups of people, like the aboriginal people in australia. we group people into races by their skin color, but in actuality we could group people by weight, height, even hair color.

imagine if you were a in a race of people based on your height, and when you were applying for a job or doing the SAT you had to mark down, short average or tall? What if instead of the color race, back in the days of colonization and migration instead of grouping people by black, white, or yellow, and subjecting certain groups to certain "activities", they had all tall people be slaves, all short people in positions of power over the tall?

.. hmm can't imagine that.

maybe grouping people by eye color would be a more interesting construct.

i mean, i dunnno. i was captivated.

i had 4 cups of coffee around 11 o'clock. yeah..

it is now 4:23 a.m
only the second week of school and my lazy ass is already pulling all nighters.
hah.