time was invented by those who do not know how to love...

The Guitar

It begins, the lament
of the guitar.
The wineglass of dawn
is broken.
It begins, the lament
of the guitar.
It’s useless to silence it.
to silence it.
It cries monotonously
as the water cries,
as the wind cries
over the snow.
to silence it.
It cries for
distant things.
Sands of the hot South
that demand white camellias.
It cries arrows with no targets,
evening with no morning,
and the first dead bird
on the branch.
Oh, the guitar!
Heart wounded deep
by five swords.


my friend and fellow blogger, wilhelmina (http://margotvellocet.blogspot.com/), brought this poem to my attention. She said it reminded her of my favorite painting, the old guitarist by Picasso. I agree, though my feelings on it are so deeply imbedded in my own passions that it essentially takes on a different meaning.

eternal devotion to music.

that even at the brink of death, at the point of destitution, music will forever remain.

AGH!! beautiful.


in the wee small hours of the morning.

"In the wee small hours of the morning
While the whole wide world is fast asleep
You lie awake and think about the girl
And never ever think of counting sheep

When your lonely heart has learned its lesson
Youd be hers if only she would call
In the wee small hours of the morning
Thats the time you miss her most of all"
-frank sinatra

it sucks.
my reactions to my actions are always anticipated, thought out by the second.
when it gets down to it, i fail.
i want this more then ever, but too much is at stake.
for me.

I'm an ENFp, so concentrated on being liked, emotional and so outgoing. From this i get stuck in a sort of catch-22. I can say anything to anyone in any situation, but when it comes to my feelings and "love"
i'm hopeless.

i feel like i'm in some messed up movie, but the chances that my ending will be happy is slim to none.
...i have just 3 hours.

"breathe, breathe, keep breathing"

i'm still so highschool, but do you ever grow out of that?


i wish that people with closed minds could keep their mouths shut

all this suppressed hate that is shining through all these people i used to call friends is making me feel sick beyond belief.
...but those people who are shouting all these closed minded stupid things are in the minority, right?

and my GOD the amount of stupid people in this country:
bashing obama for not doing anything for the economy "two days into his presidency" does anybody realize that bush is STILL the president, that obama isn't inaugurated until january... yea.
oh. and if you fear "socialism" (which you so wrongly think Obama is going to implement) so much, maybe europe isn't the place for you, nor canada. how about uzbekistan?

oh, and p.s. this country was already going to shit, no thanks to the conservative idiots roaming around washington.
when things don't work out for you one way, what do you do? change the way you do things, try something new.. in hopes this change will reap better results.

STOP BITCHING, holy shit i'm losing my mind.



tonight's the night.
the night where history is revolutionized.
... an uncertain journey leading to an even more uncertain outcome.
holy shit. it like still hasn't sunk in yet.
all my qualms about becoming a citizen has been thrown out the window, i want to call obama MY president.
I haven't felt this way since November 5, 2000 when i believed Algore was going to be president, and i was excited about my move to America.

I wanted to immortalize my feelings at this very moment, but i don't know what to say, or how to say it. I'm beyond belief happy?
I've been with him for 2 years, following his campaign. volunteering, trying to do my part to make him president without the ability to vote.

... i guess i can describe how i felt when i saw that he won, if i can even describe the feeling...
I saw the picture projected on CNN and my heart exploded, i screamed. i smiled, i lost my breath, i hugged everyone around me, i was speechless...the only sound to leave my mouth were squeals of excitement.
all these moments from the past 2 years passed through my mind, accompanied by thoughts of the future...

anticipated reactions., described perfectly in this moment.

i am so sick of all this continued anti-obama slander, no he isn't a terrorist, no he is not "shady", he is an american who loves this country as much as the next person.

...he is America's president!

i feel.... euphoria

I am so happy.


i have always been meant for the stage, nothing has changed.

"I was meant for the stage,
I was meant for the curtain.
I was meant to tread these boards,
Of this much i am certain.

I was meant for the crowd,
I was meant for the shouting.
I was meant to raise these hands
With quiet all about me. oh, oh.

Mother, please, be proud.
Father, be forgiven.
Even though you told me
'Son, you'll never make a living.' oh, oh.

From the floorboards to the fly,
Here I was fated to reside.
And as I take my final bow,
Was there ever any doubt?
And as the spotlights fade away,
And you're escorted through the foyer,
You will resume your callow ways,
But I was meant for the stage.

The heavens at my birth
Intended me for stardom,
Rays of light shone down on me
And all my sins were pardoned.

I was meant for applause.
I was meant for derision.
Nothing short of fate itself
Has affected my decision. oh, oh.

From the floorboards to the fly,
here i was fated to reside.
And as I take my final bow,
Was there ever any doubt?
And as the spotlights fade away,
And you're escorted through the foyer,
You will resume your callow ways,
But I was meant for the stage."

-I was Meant for the Stage
The Decemberists.

probably my favorite song.

... I'm auditioning for the music school, taking some control of my life.
there will DEFINITELY be some repercussions, oh well... it's SO worth it.


i wish my smile was your favorite kind of smile.

i don't deal well, at all.
it's about 4 a.m. although this post probably won't state that.
i have sat here listening to every sad song on my itunes and now i have an indentation on my right hand from my jacket zipper...
what the hell?


words don't come out well for me at times like this. Kate Nash's song, The Nicest thing.
my feelings exactly...
except not. at all.
it's longing, like one of my favorite quotes by william shakespeare: "i have immortal longings in me"
these immortal longings keep me up till the sun rises without any of my homework done.
this fixation i get on things isn't very healthy, and it's not even about love, or lack there of, these longings i have cover a range of things in my life.

my blog is so depressing, what happened to those days when i used to talk about topics of general interest, when my blog was blatantly NOT my personal diary.
I make all my personal sentiments very public, i wonder what the public thinks of me?
here is a VERY unstable girl?

I'M NOT!!!
i'm soo happy, i love life. Everyday is an adventure and loads of fun, i see new things and meet new people everyday. i love it, it's wonderful.
work's super cool. i mean i feel cool working, even though i don't really feel like i can be myself there. for i am a tad bit too rambunctious for the admin building. it's cool. I dress smarmy, in my oversized glasses, sweater vests and my abundance of cardigans. OOO and my loafers, yum.

here's something of substance that i can discuss, I was reading about race today for my anthropology class.
i mean, before i read that race is a social construct, but this essay took that notion to a deeper level and talked about the breakup of races, and how these breakdowns are ridiculously inaccurate and are a terrible way to group people, since they leave out quite a few groups of people, like the aboriginal people in australia. we group people into races by their skin color, but in actuality we could group people by weight, height, even hair color.

imagine if you were a in a race of people based on your height, and when you were applying for a job or doing the SAT you had to mark down, short average or tall? What if instead of the color race, back in the days of colonization and migration instead of grouping people by black, white, or yellow, and subjecting certain groups to certain "activities", they had all tall people be slaves, all short people in positions of power over the tall?

.. hmm can't imagine that.

maybe grouping people by eye color would be a more interesting construct.

i mean, i dunnno. i was captivated.

i had 4 cups of coffee around 11 o'clock. yeah..

it is now 4:23 a.m
only the second week of school and my lazy ass is already pulling all nighters.


the clouds look as though they want to devour the earth.

i am backkk in michigan! whoot.
yay for cold weather, frienelies, interesting classes...
OOPS, did i just say cold weather? wow, NOT.
i walk outside, and by the time i get to my destination i am dripping sweat, not cute.
i mean i guessss it should have been expected, but whatevs.
ANYWHO. i have been a lot happier since i've been back. seeing some of my friends here have made me feel loved again, and important.
i knowww that sounds really depressing, and i'm not saying I don't appreciate any of my friends in georgia. it's just different now...

That's my favorite poster corner.

Today was beautiful, i walked to my favorite part of campus. Where there is this pathway along the river with trees on either side and a crazy garden. i sat on a bench and read. it was great.

michigan is great.

my room, MMM soooo sooo cool.


MEG, NO! *whimpers* i love you.


I don't understand my obsession with disney movies, i mean, isn't that supposed to be a thing of the past, warm memories of childhood mirth.

i regard alan menken as a genius.

i am in touch with the kid in my heart, no one wants to watch ANYTHING disney with me. apparently we're "tooo old for that" PWAH. you're only as old as you feel, that's what my mom says at least.

As my summer comes to close i find it necessary to think back on it all. take it in, honestly and objectively view the success of my summer, and i have.
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhm it kinda sucked.
9 credits, that i sorta rocked the hell out of.
lots and lots and lots of scrabble, and bones!! i love bones.
played quite a bit of piano, didn't sing at all.. not good since auditions are in a week. BAHHH
erm, saw dark knight..
ooh and i also figured out what i want to do with my life, cool!

so... actually subjectively i had a pretty nifty summer. Not objectively though.

i'm excited to go back to msu, to just live again.
i'm rooming with a girl who is pretty much like me, i have a job, i might be doing an accapella group, it's a time for change, i say. Obama anyone...


p.s. i was watching hercules while writing this entry, haha.


watch your back, like the ides of march

I'm listening to the new Conor Oberst cd.
"whose heart beats electrical?"
oh man i love his lyrics, lots and lots and lots.

i went to a lake house last night, for a party... yea. i know.
it was beautiful though, i wish i had a picture i could post. ooooeeeee.
i closed a lot of doors that night, metaphorically of course, but also realistically too. i mean closing doors is a completely normal past time, i feel safe saying everyone on this planet does that at least once daily...

the closure i needed was received, and apparently i am too rambunctious to live among people.

i am ready for this next year.


i bet she doesn't even know who gandalf is..

i'm wearing a yellow flower in my hair.

i haven't updated this in more then forever. I guess i have just had a lot on my mind.

the moon's not very bright tonight, i blame the clouds.

i finished summer school, YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA.
i'm super happy. and now am relaxing.

i, yes i. kalyah alaina got a job. I honestly don't know how i did it, but I got chosen out of like 100 people, and my bff mitch got an interview too, but I still got the job. I am soooo ecstatic, it seems like a great job!
i just said I 7 times, no wait. 8. nope, 9.

i also found this job at the MSU museum (to work on weekends) as a docent, and it's for a photography exhibit coming from the SMITHSONIAN (where i eventually want to work) so i dunno, can someone say perfect?

but enough about me, now onto the rest of the world...

dear mother nature,

you are screwing with us southern dwellers, the power has gone out probably 8 times this week, and you have made it very hard to step outside without my skirt flying up into my face. BAH, but i love the rainbows you leave out after the storms. It's as if you are saying "sorry, here's a little bit of magic to put a smile back on your face".

p.s. it does.

with love,

I have started painting again, looking at all the storm clouds every day has inspired me. i am making a series of, i guess, dark paintings. lolzers.
and speaking of inspiration, i started singing again. my GOD this summer has had a very adverse toll on my voice. i sound horrid. mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhs.

speaking of mehhhs, i met a boy! not a boy lover boy, haha i wish. but a boy IMed me randomly, apparently we were thrown together by some elusive robot mastermind. oddly enough we got along wonderfully, he is the only other person on this planet, that i have met that also says mehhs. we talked about music, our love of instrumental jazz big band type music, cartoons, the random instruments we play. our plan is to dwell on a street corner, me on the harmonica, whilst playing the piano singing. and him on the recorder.
we will be famous.

someone told me today "before i met you i never had a best friend"
talk about sweet. i couldn't stop smiling, AWESSS.

erm. i'm gonna go watch more episodes of bones, cause my summer nights have taken to sitting on the couch watching episodes of bones then freaking out because i think some man is going to come up behind me with an axe, then take my remains elsewhere for dr. brennan to later find and identify as me.
yea, vivid.


we are nothing but lashes that flutter.

Elvis Costello and the Imposters.

such a good cd.

the cd was named after the guy who invented cup of noodles, how pimp do you have to be to pull off something like that without criticism? only praise. MOMOFUKU. it doesn't even roll of the tounge, sweetly. but it is just so damn cool.
i want to use it as some sort of adjective, or exclamation.

"like wow guys that's so momofuku!"
- yea i don't really dig that.

or i guess i could say.

-omg i love that.

there are posters all around campus for this cd. and i honestly thought it was a joke. so i didn't really pay attention. but now i want to take them all and cover my walls with them. so my room will be a bright shade of purple with dashes of lime green and pink about every foot.

i have an interview today, EEEK i'm nervy!!

but i am sitting in a cool seat in the library, and it is oddly calming, i'm facing a HUGE MONUMENTAL window. and i can see down the street for miles, on both ends actually, and it makes atlanta look so fake. like the buildings all look so perfect and beautiful.
everything just looks so... amazing.

i think i'm just in a good mood.
had some coffee and nuts.
and i have my orange highlighter today.

and momma mia...

i feel like part of the appeal of the Dark Knight coming out is because it is allegedly what indirectly killed heath ledger, i feel like other then the movie looking cool as hell, that's the main reason i want to go.
i don't know how i necessarily feel about that..

"And we should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh."


what is this, are you some kind of hypnotist?

waving your powers around...

I skipped class today, mainly because i spent all night listening to music, instead of reading for my quiz.

yup, that's right. me.

I never want to forget the night I found out the CD i had fallen in love with, the cd of my summer. was not actually the cd i thought it was at all.
IN fact my gullibility has increased at such an alarming rate that this "April Fools" joke kept me fooled all the way till last night.
and i talked this cd off ALOT.
i am so ridiculous.
I'm kind of embarrassed actually, so i probably won't say what band, but all i know is i LOVE this band that i have been listening to for the past few months. and i can't seem to find their music, ANYWHERE.

HAHA, oh memories.
i'm going to look back at this in a couple years and just die...


point.set.mark 135 days till harrypotter.

life is going weird.
but i'm happy.
forever listening to happy music.


i am planning on taking a philosophy class.

and i decided i want to work in a museum, as my future. career...i guess.

I also saw the movie hancock TWICE this weekend, like whoa. i personally funded the movie.
i initially wanted to go cause i swoon when i see jason bateman AND will smith.
and my mom wanted to go cause it looked funny.
and me and clifford went spontaneously, that was a blast.
it was decently humored. i of course laughed at the things that WEREN't supposed to be funny.
so there were several occasions where i would be the only person in the theater laughing, but what else is new?

i hope something exciting happens soon, i'm getting slightly bored down here in the south.


comfortably numb.

"i need a fix cause i'm going down"
-the beatles.

when your life's most painful experiences are buried within your self, and someone digs up and opens that little white box.
out springs all the emotions, and all the memories of everything you purposefully tried to forget.

you fall apart, well at least i do.


sailor's blue

You know when you're having one of those days?
one of those days where the music sounds different.
the flowers make you sneeze.
the clouds seem to jump out at you as though they are slowly trying to crush you.
where you go to bed at four am, only to wake up at 8 am with a headache the size of BEIRUT.
a morning without coffee cause you ran out of time as you tripped down the stairs because your coverses weren't tied.
when nothing looks just right on you.
a day where you HAVE to wear a hat.
and because you have no ID, you can't get into the library to study for 2 HUGE tests coming up in the next 10 hours of your life.
when you lose one of the earbud covers to your ridiculously expensive pair of bass headphones.
when you produce enough liquid on your face to fill an 8oz. glass.
when any jutting object ends up piercing your side.
and all you can say is, what next?!
yeah, i'm having one of those days.


who loves the sun?

Who loves the sun
Who cares that it makes plants grow
Who cares what it does
Since you broke my heart

Who loves the wind
Who cares that it makes breezes
Who cares what it does
Since you broke my heart

Who loves the rain
Who cares that it makes flowers
Who cares that it makes showers
Since you broke my heart

Who loves the sun
Who cares that it is shining
Who cares what it does
Since you broke my heart

The Velvet Underground
-who loves the sun?

i love the sun, rain and the wind, how could you not love such beautiful natural occurences.
now this is not necessarily relatable, but every snowflake that falls from the sky is different. not one snowflake, out of the millions and billions and trillions of snow that falls eachyear are identical.

Lou reed encompassed everything cool, everything he did was so effortless. and sexy.

I Am Always Tired.

not even coffee helps me anymore.


Narrow Stairway.

See, when i first heard about the release of a new deathcab album, MONTHS ago i was convinced that it would be called Narrow Stairway, so i went around, of course trying to seem extremely cool and knowledgeable, saying "i am SOO excited about the new deathcab, coming out in the summer, it has a weird title, Narrow Stairway, it must be filled with all sorts of symbolism" of course when the name leaked to the general public i looked like a complete fool. This story isn't really one of importance. it probably makes me seem even more stupid then that whole narrow stairway. incident.

wow, the next day and this story is even more pointless and absurd to me, i guess it is for my own enjoyment then.


I just wanted to say i love it. it took a couple listens for the whole thing not to sound as though it were one song, but as I got into it I realized what i had mistaken for un-innovative 'boring' production on the behalf of Ben Gibbard, was actually his pure GENIUS at work.
The entire album, to me, is a montage of sound all tied together under one emotion, longing. of course they dissect this singular emotion and break it up into different variations of the word.

NoW i am no music critic. (although my criticism of cat power DID win me free tickets to her concert). these are just my generalized thoughts on the album.

there is a now, FOUR way tie between Cath..., No Sunlight, You Can Do Better Than Me and Talking Bird, not one captures my heart more then the other.

Naturally, they are the "slower" songs, (which always tends to be the sort of songs i like), Yet they are not, at the same time all the songs sort of have this progression that leads to a faster tempo, and a more crashing exuberant sound. They each tell a story that Deathcab has told many-a-times, but this album definitely has my favorite versions.

still my favorite band. ofcourse.


mr. brightside is my jealous song.

Hahahaha this is actually a myspace bulletin, but i wanted to remember it. so i copied and pasted.

I have way too much on my mind, and yet at the same time WAY too much on my plate.

a math test tomorrow over 7 chapters i haven't begun to look at.

an econ and history test thursday, along with going on my stepper.

plus i got a horrible scare today. death is probably the one thing i dread most in the world, and is the one thing that makes me terribly and excessively sad, i once went to a funeral where i had to sing for a person i didn't even really know that well, and after the service, when i was supposed to sing, i couldn't . i was crying uncontrollably, i have never cried so much in my life. but anyways.

i was checking the house voicemail to see if msu got back to me about housing, uh that's a no, i'm still anticipating being the new bum of east lansing.

but my uncle is super sick, shit. i can't even concentrate. so i have decided to do this survey to keep my mind off of it, and help me procrastinate even more.

So, here's how it works:

Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)

Put it on shuffle

Press play

For every question, type the song that's playing

When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool...

Opening Credits:
"Happiness is a Warm Gun" the Beatles.

omg really? talk about sad

Waking Up:
"Kiss the Girl" Alan Menken (disney little mermaid)
UHHH?! well i do love disney, a little too much.

First Day At School:
"I won't say I'm in Love" Alan Menken (hercules)
I mean really? my movie is turning from this super sad beginning to this very animated body.

"Post Modern Girls" The Strokes and Regina Spektor.


Falling In Love:
"Romance for Violin and Orchestra No.
2" Beethoven
now this i can deal with, it's beautiful, and gives the allusion of falling, in love that is.
you know the feeling?

Fight Song:
"Different Names For the Same Thing" Death Cab for Cutie
uhhh. i don't know what this is suggesting, this game of chance i am playing so willingly.

Breaking Up:
"Brainy" The National
i have no commentary for this one. if you know the song it's kinda obvious that it's perf. haha.

"Three Peaches" Neutral Milk Hotel.

lovely song, slowdance.

"Death and all his Friends" Coldplay
REALLLY?!?!? haha

Drinking Song:
"Head Honcho" Devotchka
WOOOoo love it.

High School:
"Swallowed in the Sea" Coldplay

"CHanges" David Bowie.

this is perfect, i totally see myself walking around campus and having this playing, me being like what the hell am i doing here? what am i doing with my life?

Mental Breakdown:
"Too busy Thinking about my Baby" Marvin Gaye.

WHOA, the only mental breakdown of my life and this seems to fit it exactly

"3rd Planet" Modest Mouse.

i'm lovin' it.

"Let It Be" The Beatles
That seems to fit my philosophy

Getting Back Together:
"Carousel" Iron & WIne.


"The Same Deep Water as you" the Cure

Birth of Child:
"Movie Theme" Beck.

why couldn't this have come up first?
probably one of his most slow depressing songs.. haha.

Final Battle:
"Fever" Azure Ray
omg yes, my final battle is like over a sickness trying to take my lover.
that's like the first line of the song "go away, go away"
oh shit. that's sad.

Death Scene:
"Above you, Below Me" Badly Drawn Boy.

i guess it's like in a nutshell, KALYAH.
the end?

Funeral Song:
"Stuck Inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again"
not what i would have requested, but K!

End Credits:
"love song" Sara bariabsdabjaless.
(i have NO idea how to spell her last name)

I have the oddest life movie. i go from being down, to being young, to being sad, to being in love to being sad.

oh. uh.

time to TRY and study.



apparently he won the us open, cool.
the reason it's my title actually is simply because i am ow in econ and my teacher is the indian tiger woods. distracting, right?
uhm lately i've been trying to broaden my horizons. listening to new music, reading more things, etc.
Antony and the Johnsons - Antony and the Johnsons
uhm yEA.


Rhineland (Heartland)

Let me just take a lesson from one of my many horrid summer classses, economics.
Opportunity cost.
in layman's terms, this is when someone needs to or want's to do something, but has the opportunity of doing another thing, as well. when this happens, it tends to cause uncertainty: which path do i choose, etc. when looking at this you need to look at all of the factors, time, money, BLAH.
what i am trying to say is, why do i forgo sleep every day for summer school?
looking at opportunity cost i TOTALLY made the wrong decision. shiiiit.
i went to bed at 4 woke up at 6
don't start class til fucking 5 pm.
like really? what will i do with my day. study some, but one can only study for so long before going to a 3 hour math class. watch some shows online, readdd, ugh.
what i need is a car. cause then, I could have woken up at 2
and STIL made it in time.
not to sound like a complete geek, but i have been trying to beat the game of chess on my computer and i FINALLY did.
on to my second cup of coffee, just so i don't fall asleep. actually i think i'm gonna go to the library.
i'll finish this post later.


bob bob bob the history man.

Signed up for a history class at the very last minute.
and it was the BEST DECISION OF MY LIFE.
my teacher BOB (as he told us to call him) is one of the best teachers I have ever had. and it was only the introduction to his class.
he is OLD, and when i say old i mean like arthritis old. haha he told us "I am reminded of my age every morning when i look in the mirror to shave"
first of all he is a gay man from pennsylvania, and the first thing he told us was that he was an egalitarian, and was one of the fighters for equality back during the civil rights age! oh my, i am pumped to hear stories.
he pushed back the 8:00 class to 8:30.
doesn't give a damn if you sleep in the class or come to class, it is your decision whether or not you want to learn, "i don't care, after all it is you all paying for me to fly to bangkok to see my boyfriend in december". hahaha oh lawd.
i think he also loves sex. alot. because everything is about, spending time with your significant other, or i won't mind if you come to class and fall asleep cause you worked a night shift or you were up all night with your significant other, and he smiled huge and winked.

HE LOVES HISTORY (psssst so do i)

wellll we got out 2 hours early. i would leave, BUT i have another classs in 2 hours haha BAH.

made eggs this morning like a chef, probs better then that rachael ray chick i keep hearing about. i flipped them, peppered them. OOOOEE.

it's hot as shit, like really? why.

i know its summer but over 100 degrees. that's just redonk. i can straighten my hair with that much heat.

i have started to read 1984, by george orwell. REALLY goood, ironically there is an extra credit paper in bob's class on animal farm.
I am looking into a study abroad, in france actually. international development sort of abroad study where i would get to live in an apartment right on the northern tip of france between london and paris, for the entire semester
or there is this one in belize where i actually do development work, i get hands on experience and get to help out there, plus get 12 credits.

this is before i go to school in canada that is. YEP that's right, you all are the first to hear I am transferring to a school in canada in fall 2009.
i mean all the really good schools here are so damn expensive and don't give scholarships. and as a canadian its like $$170 per credit hour for me. and this is like at Mcgill (where my popsicle went, and whenever i say i want to go there he busts out laughing, like obnoxious brash laughter) and it is like 1 of the top schools in the world. yuh yeah. like 12 i think? and its in montreal, which is sooo beautiful, but i am also looking at university of british columbia vancouver which has the best international relations program in canada. and is in vancouver which is the most beautiful city like ever. there is the city skyline in between the ocean and the mountains. yea. that beautiful. and university of toronto of course, (new york run by the swiss).
ahhhh sUH-weeet bliss
i'm totally about to watch the office while i am sitting in the library, right now.
oh god i just turned around and this man with a baby was staring and smiling reallly creepy.
he's soooo not from here.
oh gah i love the city.



hello, i love you.

totally an unnecessary evil that is now taking over every spare minute of my "summer".

The night before any sort of big event, whether i am starting a new semester of school, a big date (oooo lala), a trip. i find it IMPOSSIBLE TO SLEEP.
oh yea, i came to this conclusion that sleep is my foe.
so i went to bed around 1 and woke up around 2:30. SHIT i was wideeee awake.
so me, obviously getting tired of tossing and turning, decides to get up. i read a little, watched a couple of video's reformatted the coding on my myspace, listened to some, DevotchKa. then got up around 6 to start getting ready for my first class.
at bloody 8! in the morning.
i go to this class and my professor is giving me 30 billion reasons to drop it.
LITERALly, he talks about how since it is half the time you must devote 24 hours a week instead of 12 hours to work. and how if you plan on missing more then 3 days, you will fail. stuff like that.
this was only my first class, i have 3 more.
i fear for my health and sanity.
i think i might be dropping a couple classes.
i have french in about half-an-hour. which i am SOOO extremely excited about. francais, the language of my home land.
sitting in a saxby's coffee while this couple make love to eachother through their eyes. BLEHHHH
i guess this is a bad time to write in here, because not much has happened to me at all. got a REALLY gross yogurt parfait.
BLUEBERRies. that is all.

peacelove, for now.



omg, talk about excitinggg!

I am lying on a mint green comforter, in a green zipup. in a beige room
I am also currently listening to ELTON JOHN.
yea, it's that good of a day.
obnoxiously woke up at 3:30, yea i need to stop staying up ridiculously late... watching the Office, i mean. WHO DOES THAT?
6 a.m. the suns coming out and i am just laying my head down to rest. hahaa.
so i am finally venturing out of my little quaint town and going to trivia at some seafaring sports bar, barnacles?
where i will put to use my knowledge of the most random unimportant shit imaginable.
of course they never ask questions to where my knowledge could be applicable but it's still fun.
UHHHHH new band alert new band alert, i am totally digging the black keys. anybody? anybody?
and i have been listening to a lot of jazz and soul lately, i mean check out my last fm.
ALSO CAR HUNTING, since i am moving back home, unfortunately of course, i need some sort of vehicle to transport me. especially since i live in the middle of nowhere and gas prices are like $30,000 a gallon, practically. and thats relevant because i have no friends that actually want to drive me places. or pick me up.
BUT I WON TICKETS TO CAT POWER FOR WRITING A PARAGRAPH SAYING WHY I LOVE HER. now every single one of my friends want to come pick me up to hang. iI'll post what i wrote, EEEE!!!

As I am listening to Cat Power I am delving into the genius of her sound. The way she takes previously sung songs, and make's it a new song entirely is mesmerizing. She deftly weaves through her notes with such emotion and power, yet with a sense of vulnerability. Which really translates to me, the listener, who feels connected to her sound.

naturally slightly bullshitted, but i think my history of music helped me write that. anywho i think i will wear my fedora.
mmmhm, that will be perf.

oh yea, THE CAR, it is a car from the future
like when i am in it i feel like i can only play techno and when i look out the window everything will be blurred because i will be speeding. i imagine it being like speed racer, which i will never see and never have wanted to see. but still goood comparison.



BACK. it's now around 10:25, and someone ACTUALLY WANTED TO DRIVE ME HOME. this boy is so nice, and likes pink lemonade too! he actually picked a song that is supposed to be like "our song", Tom Petty free fallin', yup.

i also saw that i got comments on my first entry that made me SOOO happy. and they were from people in australia, talk about neato. i love that when i am writing in here about my boring american adventures (from a canadian perspective), there are peopple in the other side of the world reading about it, wellllll how bout' that.

i am now listening to neutral milk hotel, jeff magnum (the singer and all around waif-ish genius) apparently lives in Athens, which is where university of georgia is, which is the only sort of incentive i have to going to UGA.
oh wells. nothing really exciting in my life. dinner sucked i got calamari, it looked like actual squids and i totes couldn't eat any of it. but the nice waitress lady didn't charge me for it, nor did she charge me for my drink... hahaha.

"still the same, just like a cancer and you won't give me a straight answer. if you still want me please forgive me, the crown of love has fallen from me.."



SEX (and the city)

SO, i had been waiting for this movie to shoot into theaters ever since my ex-roommate stuck a picture on her wall, mind you the only picture that ever graced that very bare and boring wall, You see because mine was all cluttered with pictures of JFK and random dinosaurs i colored in while drunk, my canadian flag, cutouts from magazines, my huge poster of john lennon, radiohead, and hers was just very BLEHHHHHH. anywho i had been waiting to see it, while in Michigan I pictured me and my best girlies from back home getting all dressed up heading to the theater at midnight on May 29th to revel in the amazingness that was expected with the release of this ridiculously hyped up movie. On may 30th around 7 pm I left the house with my mother to go see sex and the city. I thought why not reap the benefits lets go SHOPPING. i mean i am always up for shopping, new things to make me smile and forget about the fact that this summer of fun that i expected is turning out to be a summer of none (i just wanted it to rhyme), really a summer alone. without the people i regarded as my best friends, i mean people grow, right? change? i was on my own for a year, 800 miles away. ANYWAY, we get to atlantic station and after searching for a parking space for about 15 minutes we get in line, and find out all the times for the movie are sold out, so i suggest indiana jones, MMM SHIA LABOUEF. or however you spell that ridiculously sexy last name. she says no we came to see sex and the city, so we leave. and we drive back to some theater a lot closer to my house, that theater was sold out and only had tickets for the 11 o'clock showing, so we buy them and i go into borders and finish reading the TIME magazine about 1968, which every person should read just take an hour out of your day go sit in b&n or borders get a cup of coffee and dive into this magabook (magazine+book) filled with all of this coool and rich history. my mom says "hey k, lets get there an hour early just in case", OF COURSE i LAUGH AND SAY UH NO. so we leave at 10:30 to walk over. BIG mistake we were in this line that wrapped around the building like 40 times.

actually, no we were just outside, but still i felt very far away from the movie, like i would walk up hand my ticket to the nice ticket taker man and he would say UHM no, we are full. but i got good seats! so not to worry. I sat through that very delightful explicit decently humored film and left the theater but The difference between me and the hundreds of other people in attendance was the way i felt. I didn't come out all joyful, i wasn't still laughing, i certainly wasn't crying, I felt... lost. I still feel lost, lonely, sad, a very out of body feeling, because i am HAPPY KALYAH always smiling with a semi-positive attitude, except of course for my timely biting sarcasm (which has definitely gotten me in a lot of trouble in the past). THis movie touched on a lot of different things in my life that I am currently lacking. like friendship, and love, and shopping. i mean i have GREAT friends, but the ones i thought were like my own samantha jones and charlotte york are missing. with love, i still blame myself for my last breakup, and adding on to that I am still saddened by the break up itself. probably because i haven't found anybody to replace him, but some of it must be regret.. i just dont know im sad, and pitiful, talk about a screwdriver at 4 am?
well i still love life



Prentice Mulford.

"every thought of yours is a real thing-a force"

how to understand this quote...how to put this quote into more words... how to get the true meaning of this statement..
a force? like "may the force be with you"?? (i actually haven't seen star wars.)
force, like power?
or there is "i am not trying to force you to do this"
like make you, which is like power.. in a different sense.
force- (my definition, the twisted kalyah definition)
some sort of in-tangible thing that is significant.

so the quote is saying, every thought of mine is a real thing- it has some sort of intangible significance?
YES that kinda makes sense, well to me.

i just had this sort of epiphany..
because, you see, i was given the secret (a pretty cool looking book that i thought was gonna be like harry potter), and as i was breezing through the pages i stopped on this random one, actually it was only page 4, HAHhahaha, and i saw this quote, needless to say it stumped me. Usually i understand these things pretty quickly, but the more i casually thought about it no answer directly fell upon me. Naturally i had to extricate it, find an answer cause it would just bug me for centuries, and i would annoy everyperson who talked to me, asking what they thought till i came upon a suitable answer.

I think I have, and it is interesting.. simply, this mulford fellow figures every ridiculous thought i might have, like when i think about me falling over the banister on the catwalk in my house, a story up (out of absolute fear) is some sort of subconscious longing to be brought out. SOOO mully, i want to fall? or is my fear of fallling so profound that it is significant in my mind, and when i think about it, the "force" i recieve is one of dread and discomfort? my fear is being brought out, fear usually is intangible significance.. hmmmm, valid.


the end.
( i think)

No, not the end, cause as i was just writing out that i was listening to a mix of mozart and zepplin, i suddenly thought, then where do those statements like, "oh it's just a frivolous thought" or "oh it's not important" or "i dont really know what I am thinking" "or oh it was just a stupid thought", come from?

buttttt. then on the flip side, there is that saying "there is no such thing as a stupid thought" which kind of coincides with monsieur mulfords' statement.
every thought is valuble because, you are valuable. you have one life and every choice you make, or everything you do is valuable because you are the only one doing that thing, ever in the fashion that you are doing. say you jog around the park, and there are hundreds of other people jogging, i doubt any of them are thinking the same thing as you, or feeling the same way. everything you think or do is valuable, is unique.
omg, that is SOOOO arguable. the dreaded topic of conformity vs. non conformity.
can't go into that today.
time for some 1984



the start of something weird.

Well, hellooooooo there readers. 

most likely friends of moi.
i guess my first entry should be some sort of introduction, so.. 
i'm kalyah alaina ford.
a born canadian,  who moved to georgia (unfortunately).

i sing, a lot.

i am a 2nd year college student, i went to Michigan state, talk about a bitchin' time.
made irreplaceable friends there, protested, created, performed, slept, and MORE. 
man oh man, one of the first things i did upon my return to the rotten peach state was see radiohead. a truly life changing experience.. the singular smell in the air was that of cannabis and all around i saw people's mind's being blown, and their bodies being set free, bliss.. 
next big thing i did was plan one of my friends birthday parties, theme "whirled peace" that was a crazy hype time.

since then i have done... well, nothing.

except plan plan plan.   leave msu.. come to georgia, go to a mediocre school, transfer to a "good school", study business, then go to grad school to study more business, yea not my plan at ALL

i say fuck that. why should I do what my father says i should do, is he ME? no. I am ME. he is him, unimportant, and non influential in my life. uhmm, except he pays for everything, and is my popsicle... 

wellllll, my dream is.. i don't really know, i love archaeology and egypt, yet i love music and performing, i also love drawing and graphics, politics. advertising? fashion? archaeologist? broadcast journalist? how does one choose ONE thing to do with their life? i am finding it impossible. 

 i am listening to Beirut. and i realized my entire entry and life is a smorsgabord, which to me means it is nonsensical and random, like his songs usually are.
oh wells. oh yea
I LOVE OBAMA. and bobby kennedy,  i wish i could vote...
i use way toooooo many comma's.
i text more then i call.
i like clutter, and it is by no means organized.
i'm ridiculous, and loud.
elton john makes me smile.
i love the 1950's and 60's fashion and music.
Frank Sinatra is my ideal man.
oh, fyi.
i go to bed at like 4-5 everynight or rather morn, haaha, sooooo sick.